Recently, I went through a few days of being consumed with myself. I allowed insecurity over my character, relationships and circumstances to dominate me....Jack Frost says in Experiencing Father's Embrace that our sin struggles serve as the best kind of encouragement for others when we have victory over them 51% or more of the time....how wise. So don't worry. I'm on the other side of this one :-) It's always a word of the Lord and submission to His revelation that brings healing.
For those of us who want to share about God, our calling is pretty simple. We could talk about His love and mercy over and over again using the same vocabulary, and if we are truly friends of God, the Holy Spirit will take those words and reveal a new facet of God's unfailing love every time we speak. God always comes after us, even when we are too preoccupied with ourselves to experience our reality in the center of His love. Anyway, God came for me in the middle of my self-focus, as He has done so often and will do again and again for me. He interrupted that particular day's downward spiral by asking me not to read my "hate mail". That got my attention. Yah, God does talk to us that way, but I asked Him again just to be sure and I heard Him confirm and expand my perspective.
See, when I think about hate mail, I realize it comes in an envelope, in my heart and soul mail box every day....and then I have a choice whether or not I open it. If I open accusation and hate, I advance it to demean my entire being: body, soul and spirit. Mail has to be broken open, pulled out and unfolded before it can be read. Funny thing about the thief. He has to find an envelope, buy a stamp and go to the post office in tries to get to our spirits. God says in His word that we know the difference between His voice and incoming evil, even before we make a choice which way we're going. We've been lied into thinking that we are incompetent of making the distinction between our Shepherd and the thief. Believers in Jesus, God speaks directly to us from His habitation in our spirit. It can become like peaceful second nature to hear our Shepherds voice, but it will never be that way with the voice of our enemy. When he speaks and we listen a part of us will always know that we still feel incomplete, that we are starting to feel worse, that we've compromised with a counterfeit who has no true tenderness for the vulnerability of our hearts.
God said that day to me, "Can we just not read your hate mail today....I'm coming in through the love gate." I remembered that the mail will be delivered, and it may be full of insults, punishment and offense. Some of it may even be garbage the thief is trying to pass over on me about other believers--Members and parts of one and the same body of Christ. God's heart in speaking this way to me was to relieve me of a burden of satanic condemnation and sorrow. He was reminding me that there will only be one way He will ever come into my world. He will be consistently bringing life I can see worked out. I will get used to loving His voice for the life He produces and have peace in trusting His faithful words as He works in me without betrayal. We are never asked to turn our hearts over to robbery, but to refuge.
I threw the mail in the "trash" and decided I could do without it.....shredding works too.
Open wide the love gate.
"Truly, truly I say to you, he who does not enter by the door into the fold of the sheep but climbs up some other way, he is a thief and a robber. But he who enters by the door is a shepherd of the sheep. To him the doorkeeper opens, and the sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he puts forth all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice. A stranger they simply will not follow, but will flee from him, because they do not know the voice of strangers....I am the door; if anyone enters through me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly...the good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep."
John 10
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Monday, November 14, 2011
Kierkegaard on God's heart at Christmas
We belong in the center of God's bigger-than-us, completely free and un-controlling love this season.
Any claim of love without the sacrifice of vulnerability--the possibility of pain and sense of reality--would be hollow and suspect, but God's love is so open hearted, so available. He is the love that is tangible and steadfastly generous when everything else in our life fails and especially when we are broken. We can be real with God's love. He has accepted us to the absolute end of all our emotions and all of our choices.
Philippians 2
"The child born in the night among beasts. The sweet breath and steaming dung of beasts. And nothing is ever the same again.
Those who believe in God can never in a way be sure of him again. Once they have seen him in a stable, they can never be sure where he will appear or to what lengths he will go or to what ludicrous depths of self-humiliation he will descend in his wild pursuit of man...For those who believe in God, it means, this birth, that God himself is never safe from us, and maybe that is the dark side of Christmas, the terror of the silence. He comes in such a way that we can always turn him down, as we could crack the baby's skull like an eggshell or nail him up when he gets too big for that." --Kierkegaard
"Ironically, while the emptying involved much humiliation, it also involved a kind of freedom. I have spoken of the "disadvantages" of infinity. A physical body freed Christ to act on a human scale, without those "disadvantages." He could say what he wanted without his voice blasting the treetops. He could express anger by calling King Herod a fox or by reaching for a bullwhip in the temple, rather than shaking the earth with his stormy presence. And he could talk to anyone--a prostitute, a blind man, a widow, a leper--without having first to announce, "Fear not!"--Yancey
Any claim of love without the sacrifice of vulnerability--the possibility of pain and sense of reality--would be hollow and suspect, but God's love is so open hearted, so available. He is the love that is tangible and steadfastly generous when everything else in our life fails and especially when we are broken. We can be real with God's love. He has accepted us to the absolute end of all our emotions and all of our choices.
Philippians 2
"The child born in the night among beasts. The sweet breath and steaming dung of beasts. And nothing is ever the same again.
Those who believe in God can never in a way be sure of him again. Once they have seen him in a stable, they can never be sure where he will appear or to what lengths he will go or to what ludicrous depths of self-humiliation he will descend in his wild pursuit of man...For those who believe in God, it means, this birth, that God himself is never safe from us, and maybe that is the dark side of Christmas, the terror of the silence. He comes in such a way that we can always turn him down, as we could crack the baby's skull like an eggshell or nail him up when he gets too big for that." --Kierkegaard
"Ironically, while the emptying involved much humiliation, it also involved a kind of freedom. I have spoken of the "disadvantages" of infinity. A physical body freed Christ to act on a human scale, without those "disadvantages." He could say what he wanted without his voice blasting the treetops. He could express anger by calling King Herod a fox or by reaching for a bullwhip in the temple, rather than shaking the earth with his stormy presence. And he could talk to anyone--a prostitute, a blind man, a widow, a leper--without having first to announce, "Fear not!"--Yancey
Saturday, October 29, 2011
John 9: When Jesus heard...He went and found him.
SOAK IN THE TRUTH--- Let’s just start talking about the Love of God!As we do this our hearts will be presented with the truth that we can be receiving more love…honestly, who doesn’t want more love? We all do, even if we don’t know or admit it.
LOVE ENCOUNTER:
We are here meeting to encounter the love of God. There’s no other reason we do anything that we do. The revelation of His love to our hearts, and our hearts in turn opening up and receiving a transformational encounter with His love is everything. I believe there is a desperation building in hearts to experience the love of God, and to live out who we are in Christ and God will honor that desperation. So we are in a good place.
The Flame of Love Picture
1.) A few weeks ago at the SLG Trev and I go to (we love to just sit in God’s presence and worship and pray together—like we are doing tonight) God was speaking word after word about His love for us. We truly had a revelatory encounter with God’s love during this meeting. With each scripture and word each person was sharing we really felt God wanting to put our attention completely on the love He has for us.
During this time I saw a picture of a fire in the middle of a pitch black night. I saw many people around the fire and they were all standing spread out in different places. Some were standing very close to the fire—even close enough to warm their hands—and some were standing far off from the fire. The Lord showed me that the fire is His love and He invites us to press in close to His love to get warm and be healed. He showed me that sometimes we are afraid to come into His love, especially when we are hurting, because we are afraid He is going to be unfaithful to us, or harsh with us, but really what He wants to do is draw us close to His heart flame of LOVE, and warm and comfort our pain.
Graham Cooke (a preacher I love to listen to): “Just in case we are not convinced that God is kind” (lets read His word on it—LOL—imagine that ;-) :
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
Psalm 34:17-19
Psalm 34:17-19
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me (Isaiah prophesying about Jesus), for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. Isaiah 61:1-3
There is nothing about a broken-hearted person getting wounded more deeply for running to God’s heart.
Psalm 51: 17
The sacrifices of God (or the sacrifices that please Him) are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.
This is the LOVE the Lord revealed to the blind man He healed in John 9. Jesus arranged a LOVE ENCOUNTER with him and led this man through it so beautifully and tenderly…when I saw the love and the follow-through and care of God in this passage my heart was forever changed.
Blindness was this man’s world identity—but Jesus was about to meet him and completely change his life with love.
John Chapter 9 Verse 1-end of chapter
I especially love this passage in the Message...
John 9:1
*I love the way right away God’s word exposes the influence the religious (performance) mindset had on the disciples thinking in the disciples’ question for Jesus, and we are so often effected by this same spirit and mindset even today, so it’s important that we compare religion and relationship(which is what Jesus is offering) here for a minute.
*Spirit of Religion can be described as: measuring worth by performance, having to earn God’s love, having to act out hard work and rules and regulations in order to be close to God
*Some damaging effects of religion are alienation from God’s love (because we don’t measure up) and self-emphasis and effort which ending in failure and increasing in sin and inability to receive God’s love
*Religion always will ask the questions, who’s fault is this? and where does the blame fall?
*Religion always alienates us from God and from people (because there’s no way any of us could ever be perfect) If we are always setting up that standard of self-effort and in any way not allowing God to cover us and reconcile us, we are basically making ourselves be alone in that part. Any part of us we believe can function without receiving the love of God is a place we have cut ourselves off. It’s a crazy thing, but sometimes we can actually make ourselves be alone, and it will seem like it’s everyone else’s fault.
and definitely not to be too hard on the disciples, because their questions, unlike the Pharisees, were honest, and even followers of Jesus need to ask the wrong questions sometimes, but honest questions are always safe with Jesus and always needed for growth. In essence, Jesus was working with them to shift their perspective of what His heart truly was for the situation.
*By doing this shift with them Jesus was drawing them into a a heart of relationship instead of religion, and relationship always draws us in and connects us.
*When we receive God’s love, we will find ourselves naturally flowing into deeper connection with people in the Spirit without even knowing it. That’s why we always want to look at our own relationship with God first before we look at anything else anyone is doing. It just doesn’t work the other way around. Our personal love encounter with God is our #1 priority!!!!
Let’s look at Jesus’ answer….. LOOK INSTEAD FOR WHAT GOD CAN DO!!!
this is not about accusation!!!--blame
Don’t look at sin in yourself or in the world!!! Look to the love of God!!!! In this man’s trouble….his blindness…look for God to come through! Other translations say, “this happened to him so that God’s work (and all His works are done completely in a heart of love) could be shown.”
The pool of Siloam—Siloam means SENT
* I believe God prophetically wants us to see this man’s story through the eyes of destiny and God releasing a testimony of destiny through Him,
I think it is very interesting that the pool God had Him wash to be healed in was called “Sent”.
GOD IS SO TENDER TO GIVE US A WASHING AND VISION OF OUR DESTINY AND OUR CALLING AND WHO WE REALLY ARE AS WE ARE BEING HEALED. AS WE ARE BECOMING WHO WE already ARE IN CHRIST.
This is a WORD for some in this room!!!:
God is saying: I KNOW YOU FEEL BROKEN NOW, BUT THERE’S MORE FOR YOU THAN THIS. MY LOVE HAS MADE YOU WORTHY OF BEING SENT. MY LOVE HAS MADE YOU WORTHY OF YOUR DESTINY AND CALLING IN CHRIST.
God doesn’t deal with us in stages of arrival. He empowers us and activates us in His Kingdom through our whole life process with Him.
“The man went and washed and he saw”….
“Soon the town was buzzing”
And I love John’s account, because all through this you can really feel the tension between the accusation and alienation of religion and God’s pursuit for a free love encounter with this man now healed.
We on this earth will feel that tension----BUT GUESS WHO WINS?!
Our response to that tension is what matters here.
Are we going to be looking for what God can do?
Are we going to be declaring what God can do?
Are we going to stand up to accusation and refuse to accuse and choose to be loved and love?
The stand-out response
The Man said, “It’s Me!”…
Ok, Here’s the stand-out response God is looking for.
You can always tell a person who has encountered God and truly received God’s love because one of the things that will happen in a person touched by Jesus, is that they will have no fear about standing up for the love of God and declaring what God has done!
They will literally run right over the top of pride and performance because measuring up simply doesn’t matter anymore. The testimony of their encounter will just come out! You know, God’s love poured into a person who’s receiving can’t be stopped.
That person instantly is going to say—here am I send me!!!
Jesus I owe you everything.
It’s not always easy when we stand for God’s love.
“They marched the man to the Pharisees”
(some versions say they “reviled” him because he was speaking the truth about what Jesus had done for him.)
“There was a split in their ranks”
Here we can still see that tension happening between religion and relationship.
When a love encounter with God is being made know and transformation of lives is happening, there’s always that choice: shut-down or desperation and the hope that goes with it
Remember: hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out His love into our hearts (Romans 5:5)
“They said, “You’re nothing but dirt! How dare you take that tone with us! (Or, how dare you teach us)
*Very often when God is doing a destiny work and healing in ourselves and the lives of loved ones and breakthrough is happening as we are catching real glimpses of what it would mean to be free to live as we were made to live and be in Christ,
*this is the time we can expect to meet with very real spiritual opposition. We can learn to recognize when God’s destiny is being released and not be surprised at attacks.
*We just continually pray the truth of God’s love over our own hearts and speak that same truth over the lives of our friends walking alongside us.
*There is an encouraging, loving and kind way to say anything to anyone, and the Word of the Lord will always be kind.
*Religion will always accuse. Recognize the condemnation of accusation as satanic (completely foreign to God's heart), refuse to speak or believe accusation towards another person (no matter who they are or what they have done) and refuse to accept accusation (condemnation) as the truth about you. "Our battle is not against flesh and blood"...
WHAT IS JESUS’ HEART FOR me WHEN I CHOOSE TO RECEIVE HIS LOVE ENCOUNTER AND STAND UP FOR THAT LOVE RELATIONSHIP in my life?
The Crux—in these 3 little words—Jesus found him.
“Jesus heard that they had thrown Him out, and went and FOUND him.”
(Let it sit…………say it again maybe…….)
IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR TROUBLES, YOU ARE FOUND BY GOD.
YOU ARE FOUND BY GOD. HE IS GOING OUT OF HIS WAY TO COME AND FIND YOU…
HE IS PUTTING HIS LOVE ON THE LINE FOR YOU AND YOU WILL NEVER BE SHORT-CHANGED.
Jesus follows through on the desperation in this man’s life by sealing a work of belief in Him, and the man ends the encounter confessing Christ as His Lord.
Belief and love go together. To believe in God is to receive His love.
You know, our pain is only with us until we see our need for God in those areas and we open our hearts to receive His love.
God does not have a heart to inflict pain on us to teach us a lesson
We’ve all heard and may at one point or another even bought into the Christian-ese cliché about asking God to teach us patience and then having to stand in a line at Starbucks the next day for 40 minutes….As if God would work with us in so narrow a way…..
rather,
He is longing for us to look for what He is going to do to encourage us in our struggle, and what He is going to do is always good, always loving, always kind.
2 Chronicles 16:9
The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.
The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.
Romans 5 The Message so beautifully supports this love encounter Jesus has for us. It is precious to read!
Prayer:
That our hearts would be open to receive the specific and personal love encounters God is pursuing us with right now.
Heavenly Father, I pray a blessing of revelation of God’s love on us and great courage to receive God’s love even in the most dark and desperate places of hearts. I pray great hope and expectancy that God’s love began being poured out at the moment we invited Him into our hearts and continues to be poured out in us by the Holy Spirit today….
that God’s love would become the perspective through which we view our lives.
Amen
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
The World and Choices
Reading Disappointment With God by Philip Yancey, and being deeply mentored by the Spirit. Some things God is revealing of His heart are breaking my heart again.
In the very act of giving us choice, God sacrificed Himself. He knew He would not leave us, and the pain of our choices would be His as well. The ultimate heart of a free and loving Papa.
Isaiah 63: 4b-5
"...And My year of redemption has come. I looked, and there was no one to help, And I was astonished and there was no one to uphold; So my own arm brought salvation to me, And my wrath upheld me."
Isaiah 63: 7
"I will make mention of the lovingkindnesses of the Lord, the praises of the Lord, According to all that the Lord has granted us, And the great goodness toward the house of Israel, Which He has granted them according to His compassion And according to the abundance of His lovingkindnesses. For He said, "Surely, they are my people, Sons who will not deal falsely." So He became their Savior. In all their affliction He was afflicted, And the angel of His presence saved them; In His love and in His mercy He redeemed them, And He lifted them all the days of old."
Isaiah was dreaming, seeing, asking questions of God; Israel was being taken by the Assyrians. At that time it seemed unavoidable--even logical--to blame God for physically visible destitution. Through struggle Isaiah received God's heart-dream of salvation. Instead of separating Himself from God he served the launching of God's passion and provision, making history. I read this morning that it has been recorded and accepted that Isaiah may have been the one Hebrews refers to being "sawn in two" because he would not worship idolatrously (Halley's p. 285). His vision of the love of God's heart had blinded Him to all else.
Hebrews 11:32-38
"And what more shall I say? For time will fail me if I tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets, who by faith conquered kingdoms, performed acts of righteousness, obtained promises, shut the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, from weakness were made strong, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. Women received back their dead by resurrection; and others were tortured, not accepting their release, so that they might obtain a better resurrection; and others experienced mockings and scourgings, yes, also chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were tempted, they were put to death with the sword; they went about in sheepskins, in goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, ill-treated (men of whom the world was not worthy), wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground."
In this world, we can't expect to stand on a foundation of fairness, but God--alive in eternity--is kind and good, with a heart of equality, dignity and respect, so we have been given chances to make a difference here. Our focus should not be whether or not things are fair in this life, but instead how much salt and light we can spread with the mercy we are given.
Time and mercy are intrinsically linked throughout God's story of us (Yancey, p.91).
On Earth every stand for the mind-bending goodness that flows from God is a sacrifice and the Holy Spirit teaches and comforts us through our allotted surrenders. Our world is numbed in it's ability to recognize and receive true goodness. We can trust God with the balance of the universe we live in and never be surprised with difficulty here. We live powerfully with heavenly authority amidst a great resistance. One way or another, when faith is our conduit, we overcome.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Love
God, please tell me I am getting somewhere, I am accomplishing something. If there is one thing that might fringe on making me crazy at this moment, I think it would be to realize I had accomplished nothing--wasted my life and lived for myself. Have I forsaken the Kingdom? (I spew this type of worry when I begin to let performance define me.)
As Chambers writes in "The Ministry of the Unnoticed", not all Christian disciples can be Peter or the Apostle Paul, but that in no way disqualifies their fervency or sincerity, because they were not central, not visible at the lead. (There must have been hundreds of completely sincere disciples besides the twelve.)
Over and over again I see God as a Shepherd of Shepherds, A Servant of All. I know this can mean any number of things, but most of all Jesus was a servant. He was not a gatherer of the public eye. He was not popular in the sense that we know the word.
His life was made less than anything, though He had everything. I want to learn this humility, because it means rest; the rest that will carry me through being seen and unseen, as the Lord's will takes me.
No, I do not think Jesus is sympathetic with my perceived lack of popularity, or the opportunities I want to make fit that pass by me. I think these surface quandaries lead the way to His heart, so there is no obsession or reason to live other than knowing Him. There are no eyes that must see me any certain way. Least of all my own, and what I wanted for my own life has been forgotten a long time ago (I declare what all I dream of forgetting.)...in order for His dreams to take me. What I do or do not do does not so much matter. The way I love Him matters. If I lived in a jail cell, physically doing nothing but loving Him with my whole heart, my life would still not be wasted. In fact, love within limitations all the more shows the freedom He has given me to give myself to Him.
I am not deciding today to do any certain thing or start an particular work or project. I hear from God it will be more than sufficient to love Him and see what happens.
Matthew 5:3 Blessed are the poor in Spirit/Chambers pg. 661
"Literally: Blessed are the paupers in Spirit" (A pauper is exceedingly common place.) The average type of preaching emphasizes strength of will, beauty of character--the things that can easily be noticed. The phrase "Decide for Christ" which we so often hear is too often an emphasis on the thing our Lord never trusted. Our Lord never asks us to decide for Him, He asks us to yield to Him--A very different matter. At the basis of Our Lord's Kingdom is the unaffected loveliness of the common place."
For those of us who look at those in the lead and wonder why we ourselves have not been placed in similar positions, we must wrestle with this ambition and jealousy, overtake it, and allow God to put into our own hands our own destiny. Truly, we would not be happy living someone else's. In short, at the root of my struggle with the mundane is my rebellion against God and my unwillingness to accept His precise goodness in His placement of the times of my life. The idea Chambers expresses is that to abort our divine pathway with God in order to steal someone else's or conjure up our own, would plunge us into un-Christlikeness, as opposed to an immersion in His presence--the cure for every antsiness known to man.
What was the last thing God asked me personally to do, no matter how "small"? He assures me,there is no lack of power in any act of love.
As Chambers writes in "The Ministry of the Unnoticed", not all Christian disciples can be Peter or the Apostle Paul, but that in no way disqualifies their fervency or sincerity, because they were not central, not visible at the lead. (There must have been hundreds of completely sincere disciples besides the twelve.)
Over and over again I see God as a Shepherd of Shepherds, A Servant of All. I know this can mean any number of things, but most of all Jesus was a servant. He was not a gatherer of the public eye. He was not popular in the sense that we know the word.
His life was made less than anything, though He had everything. I want to learn this humility, because it means rest; the rest that will carry me through being seen and unseen, as the Lord's will takes me.
No, I do not think Jesus is sympathetic with my perceived lack of popularity, or the opportunities I want to make fit that pass by me. I think these surface quandaries lead the way to His heart, so there is no obsession or reason to live other than knowing Him. There are no eyes that must see me any certain way. Least of all my own, and what I wanted for my own life has been forgotten a long time ago (I declare what all I dream of forgetting.)...in order for His dreams to take me. What I do or do not do does not so much matter. The way I love Him matters. If I lived in a jail cell, physically doing nothing but loving Him with my whole heart, my life would still not be wasted. In fact, love within limitations all the more shows the freedom He has given me to give myself to Him.
I am not deciding today to do any certain thing or start an particular work or project. I hear from God it will be more than sufficient to love Him and see what happens.
Matthew 5:3 Blessed are the poor in Spirit/Chambers pg. 661
"Literally: Blessed are the paupers in Spirit" (A pauper is exceedingly common place.) The average type of preaching emphasizes strength of will, beauty of character--the things that can easily be noticed. The phrase "Decide for Christ" which we so often hear is too often an emphasis on the thing our Lord never trusted. Our Lord never asks us to decide for Him, He asks us to yield to Him--A very different matter. At the basis of Our Lord's Kingdom is the unaffected loveliness of the common place."
For those of us who look at those in the lead and wonder why we ourselves have not been placed in similar positions, we must wrestle with this ambition and jealousy, overtake it, and allow God to put into our own hands our own destiny. Truly, we would not be happy living someone else's. In short, at the root of my struggle with the mundane is my rebellion against God and my unwillingness to accept His precise goodness in His placement of the times of my life. The idea Chambers expresses is that to abort our divine pathway with God in order to steal someone else's or conjure up our own, would plunge us into un-Christlikeness, as opposed to an immersion in His presence--the cure for every antsiness known to man.
What was the last thing God asked me personally to do, no matter how "small"? He assures me,there is no lack of power in any act of love.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Risk it for Jesus
"Compassion breaks through social structure. When you stand for me (Jesus) and my heart for someone, you stand inside me. People don't see you they see me. This is why it is so important to leave self effort behind, because when you are within me you have different protection and freedom. You are operating in an uncharted range of effectiveness lifted so far beyond the way this world works. You will access in my Spirit great receptiveness to my presence as you stand with people. Religion might point and say these people will corrupt you, but when you are inside of me and allow my acceptance to be released through you, these people will be relieved by the chance to be consumed in Love. Do not be afraid to be vulnerable, to risk for my Spirit."
I was hearing this and at the same time wrestling with being a woman and being called to reach out to absolutely whomever God asks me to, regardless of any social standing. Now I'm not talking about doing stupid stuff and putting ourselves in dumb situations, obviously...common sense is a great gift from God. But there are safe, real and healthy times when God will ask me to push the envelope. To express compassion even though it seems like I shouldn't be the one doing it. Like someone else should--just to be on the safe side. Well, not everyone will have the impression of the great compassion of God all the time during prayer. What if it's me? Am I going to sit on my hands? Mary Magdalene "shouldn't" have been the one anointing Jesus' feet. Jesus "shouldn't" have been the one speaking to the woman at the well. The Samaritan "shouldn't" have helped the man on the road. The risks we take for Jesus greatly glorify Him. A God of "shouldn'ts". All our shouldn'ts are the points over which God turns on the spigot of the miraculous...the spigot of Love pouring into lives. God honestly doesn't see man or woman when He looks at us. He sees His image. He made us with our identity of course, and He planned us this way for reasons, of course. But if we always hold onto our world's standards for what our identity should look like, we don't get to soar in that place with Jesus where nothing matters but the heart and the moment. We instantly recoil from that place because it seems so vulnerable (not to mention way to easy and simple). In reality, there's so much protection for us there. We have no idea how much. A soft heart is a strong heart, an invincible heart. A heart so infused with God it becomes made up of heavenly stuff. Different cells. Crazy talk? There are people all over the world dying for Jesus, and they're not doing it because they decided to be strong enough to prove a point. They're doing it for Love, not Romeo and Juliet love. That's diminished. No this is LOVE. (Luke 7:36-50) This woman was messed up and she poured expensive, expensive perfume on Jesus and rubbed it in with her hair and mingled it with her tears. She was loved. She knew she was loved. She knew Jesus was loved by the Father. She knew He was Love in love's very essence. She and Jesus had no qualms about loving in front of Pharisees. What if this woman would have unhealthfully attached herself to Jesus? (Because isn't that what we're all so afraid of?) He's God. I'm pretty sure He would have perfectly walked her through it. Why are we embarrassed and afraid for Him? He doesn't need our guidance or help. As we take risks (in a heart of common sense) are we confident in our God? Does He know how to walk with people? If so then He knows how to walk with us, and our pure risks produce beyond measure. There are some things we don't have to always qualify.
I'm challenged to stop saying I will never know God's love...I will never get it. In my own life I see I have sometimes construed a portion of Ephesians to be a really comfy exit strategy. "I'm exempt from understanding and living out God's love because I'll never be able to know it."
The Word says more than that. God says that He can give us power to "grasp" His love, though it's beyond mental nailing down. So if I'm after the heart of God more than making sense out of Him in my head, my ideas about love will shift and I will encounter more relationship with Him.
Everything Jesus did was a revelation of God's love for people, and they got it! He went into their hearts and they were fully able to receive Him. I believe we can prepare to be surprised by the capacity for love and true compassion God will give us. If we don't have, maybe we just forgot to ask, because Jesus is willing! (Yes, it's Scriptural).
Ephesians 3:14
"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives it's name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled with all the measure of all the fullness of God."
Even though we can't "ask or imagine", ALL the measure of ALL the fullness of God is ours. And we don't have to worry. Our perfect God can perfectly handle a bunch of Spirit-filled risk takers.
I was hearing this and at the same time wrestling with being a woman and being called to reach out to absolutely whomever God asks me to, regardless of any social standing. Now I'm not talking about doing stupid stuff and putting ourselves in dumb situations, obviously...common sense is a great gift from God. But there are safe, real and healthy times when God will ask me to push the envelope. To express compassion even though it seems like I shouldn't be the one doing it. Like someone else should--just to be on the safe side. Well, not everyone will have the impression of the great compassion of God all the time during prayer. What if it's me? Am I going to sit on my hands? Mary Magdalene "shouldn't" have been the one anointing Jesus' feet. Jesus "shouldn't" have been the one speaking to the woman at the well. The Samaritan "shouldn't" have helped the man on the road. The risks we take for Jesus greatly glorify Him. A God of "shouldn'ts". All our shouldn'ts are the points over which God turns on the spigot of the miraculous...the spigot of Love pouring into lives. God honestly doesn't see man or woman when He looks at us. He sees His image. He made us with our identity of course, and He planned us this way for reasons, of course. But if we always hold onto our world's standards for what our identity should look like, we don't get to soar in that place with Jesus where nothing matters but the heart and the moment. We instantly recoil from that place because it seems so vulnerable (not to mention way to easy and simple). In reality, there's so much protection for us there. We have no idea how much. A soft heart is a strong heart, an invincible heart. A heart so infused with God it becomes made up of heavenly stuff. Different cells. Crazy talk? There are people all over the world dying for Jesus, and they're not doing it because they decided to be strong enough to prove a point. They're doing it for Love, not Romeo and Juliet love. That's diminished. No this is LOVE. (Luke 7:36-50) This woman was messed up and she poured expensive, expensive perfume on Jesus and rubbed it in with her hair and mingled it with her tears. She was loved. She knew she was loved. She knew Jesus was loved by the Father. She knew He was Love in love's very essence. She and Jesus had no qualms about loving in front of Pharisees. What if this woman would have unhealthfully attached herself to Jesus? (Because isn't that what we're all so afraid of?) He's God. I'm pretty sure He would have perfectly walked her through it. Why are we embarrassed and afraid for Him? He doesn't need our guidance or help. As we take risks (in a heart of common sense) are we confident in our God? Does He know how to walk with people? If so then He knows how to walk with us, and our pure risks produce beyond measure. There are some things we don't have to always qualify.
I'm challenged to stop saying I will never know God's love...I will never get it. In my own life I see I have sometimes construed a portion of Ephesians to be a really comfy exit strategy. "I'm exempt from understanding and living out God's love because I'll never be able to know it."
The Word says more than that. God says that He can give us power to "grasp" His love, though it's beyond mental nailing down. So if I'm after the heart of God more than making sense out of Him in my head, my ideas about love will shift and I will encounter more relationship with Him.
Everything Jesus did was a revelation of God's love for people, and they got it! He went into their hearts and they were fully able to receive Him. I believe we can prepare to be surprised by the capacity for love and true compassion God will give us. If we don't have, maybe we just forgot to ask, because Jesus is willing! (Yes, it's Scriptural).
Ephesians 3:14
"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives it's name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled with all the measure of all the fullness of God."
Even though we can't "ask or imagine", ALL the measure of ALL the fullness of God is ours. And we don't have to worry. Our perfect God can perfectly handle a bunch of Spirit-filled risk takers.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
He Can be Trusted!
"For I tell you that Christ (the Messiah) became a servant and a minister to the circumcised (the Jews) in order to show God's truthfulness and honesty by confirming (verifying) the promises given to our fathers. And also in order that the Gentiles (nations) might glorify God for His mercy (not covenanted) to them. As it is written, Therefore I will praise You among the Gentiles and sing praises to your name. Again it is said, Rejoice (exult) O Gentiles, along with His (own) people; And again, Praise the Lord, all you Gentiles, and let all the peoples praise Him!"
Romans 15: 8-11 Amplified
Here is a God who gives. Knowing our history, I read this and am completely astounded again by God. He keeps His word (especially though fought against) to show Himself completely truthful, honest, faithful and committed to us. Then, as if that weren't enough, He pours out mercy even in places He never bound Himself. What a revelation that God does not feel obligated to us, nor does He move or love out of obligation,manipulation or force. He is a Lover. He doesn't deny His own perfectly holy passion. Lively committment is His entire being, and thanks to God, we get in on all the enjoyment! We enjoy Him, He enjoys us....Joy all around....and glory all around.
Romans 15: 8-11 Amplified
Here is a God who gives. Knowing our history, I read this and am completely astounded again by God. He keeps His word (especially though fought against) to show Himself completely truthful, honest, faithful and committed to us. Then, as if that weren't enough, He pours out mercy even in places He never bound Himself. What a revelation that God does not feel obligated to us, nor does He move or love out of obligation,manipulation or force. He is a Lover. He doesn't deny His own perfectly holy passion. Lively committment is His entire being, and thanks to God, we get in on all the enjoyment! We enjoy Him, He enjoys us....Joy all around....and glory all around.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Moon Walk
Nice night for a walk. I love the moon.
Sometimes clouds look like the ocean, when they pace over a sky
Backlighted with green-blue space bulbs
Have you ever seen night clouds rush?
Stars stand still and waves move past them
But nothing dislodges
Sky is different from ocean; Ocean floor moves
Atmosphere stands still and star pages turn within it
Ocean changes, sky is numerous, more so than humanity's mind
In some ways the same, deep and high
Astounding waves above me and below me, in town I see
Sky and think of ocean
Both brought near
The moon smiles and glows, bright and whole
Full, low, floating with
The winsome lull
Sometimes clouds look like the ocean, when they pace over a sky
Backlighted with green-blue space bulbs
Have you ever seen night clouds rush?
Stars stand still and waves move past them
But nothing dislodges
Sky is different from ocean; Ocean floor moves
Atmosphere stands still and star pages turn within it
Ocean changes, sky is numerous, more so than humanity's mind
In some ways the same, deep and high
Astounding waves above me and below me, in town I see
Sky and think of ocean
Both brought near
The moon smiles and glows, bright and whole
Full, low, floating with
The winsome lull
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
funnel
a picture started to unfold in my head of the world in darkness and me as a little funnel somewhere in the midst. and there was a huge white cloud hovering over the earth, but the cloud couldn't descend to come in contact with the darkness. the cloud needed a funnel. and the cloud was a lot bigger than the world. the cloud could fill all the darkness if it just had a few funnels to use. and when the cloud saw that it could use me as a funnel, it did.
the picture was so intense, because if the darkness is big, then the love of god is so much bigger. the darkness won't put it out. it can't, because it's not big enough. but there is a lot of it, and it is dark. as the light of the cloud started funneling through me and the stream of light got brighter and more intense, my little funnel started to shake and shudder like it was funneling the tail of a rocket through it. i don't know what that part means... but it gave me hope. god is bigger. his love is more intense than my darkness, and than that of anyone i come in contact with. i hope i am a little funnel, allowing his light into the world. and if it breaks me in the end, loving that much, then so be it. there is nothing else worthwhile.
set down your burdens.
--Joanna Shoemaker
the picture was so intense, because if the darkness is big, then the love of god is so much bigger. the darkness won't put it out. it can't, because it's not big enough. but there is a lot of it, and it is dark. as the light of the cloud started funneling through me and the stream of light got brighter and more intense, my little funnel started to shake and shudder like it was funneling the tail of a rocket through it. i don't know what that part means... but it gave me hope. god is bigger. his love is more intense than my darkness, and than that of anyone i come in contact with. i hope i am a little funnel, allowing his light into the world. and if it breaks me in the end, loving that much, then so be it. there is nothing else worthwhile.
set down your burdens.
--Joanna Shoemaker
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Holiday Prayer
Jesus, I don't want to miss out on what you are doing this season--on what you have for me or my family. I want to hit the mark your Spirit is putting before me. Lord I pray that you would clear my focus, be God of my words and of my thoughts...especially of everything that comes out of my mouth. It's so easy to be frustrated by people in the store, on the road--or even in my home. Protect me from that frustration, God. Break it off my life at the root and as the enemy tries to assault me. I pray instead that I would hide myself away in you, so that you can speak to me and you can draw me and meet me. Lord, there's such a high expectation for enjoyment on these times, and so there's that pressure we put on each other to be perfect, so the atmosphere will be perfect. Jesus, we want so much to be happy, but we will never find that perfection except in you. The hours will go by and it will soon be "the day after Thanksgiving", and "the day after Christmas." God I pray that all of our hope would be set on you. I pray that in a new way you will be the center of our tables. God as we eat I pray that our thoughts would turn to you, how much you have always done for us, and that we would also have our hearts opened to sense how great your future plans are for us. I pray for your peace. I pray for a miracle of peace, that we would turn ourselves to you, God, and that you would come and settle us down.
I yield my desire for things to be a certain way, look a certain way, feel a certain way. I pray not for a filling of great feelings, but for a greater filling of your Holy Spirit. I pray that your Holy Spirit would captivate me and those I love. That we would seek to spend hours with each other in your presence, that we would experience for real your love for us. Thank you that we don't have to worry about what anyone thinks of us--we are free to live and move and have our being in you.
I pray that we will finish this season well. I pray that we will look back on what you have done in lives with excitement, be free of the dread of credit card bills, and have memories of key moments when you met us. If we have conflict I pray that we will respond in the opposite Spirit because we have taken the time to let you cover us and affirm us. I pray for favor with family members and peace as is possible in households. I ask for patience for all of us, and faith, that we could minister your move fearlessly.
Most of all, I pray that none of this would be accomplished because we relied on ourselves, but because we are in love with you and your Spirit has carried us. May we truly soar this year on your beautiful heart for us and the intimacy we have with you, our Strong Dad who is rejoicing over us that by his grace we have have been more than conquerors in 2010.
In Jesus Name, Amen
I yield my desire for things to be a certain way, look a certain way, feel a certain way. I pray not for a filling of great feelings, but for a greater filling of your Holy Spirit. I pray that your Holy Spirit would captivate me and those I love. That we would seek to spend hours with each other in your presence, that we would experience for real your love for us. Thank you that we don't have to worry about what anyone thinks of us--we are free to live and move and have our being in you.
I pray that we will finish this season well. I pray that we will look back on what you have done in lives with excitement, be free of the dread of credit card bills, and have memories of key moments when you met us. If we have conflict I pray that we will respond in the opposite Spirit because we have taken the time to let you cover us and affirm us. I pray for favor with family members and peace as is possible in households. I ask for patience for all of us, and faith, that we could minister your move fearlessly.
Most of all, I pray that none of this would be accomplished because we relied on ourselves, but because we are in love with you and your Spirit has carried us. May we truly soar this year on your beautiful heart for us and the intimacy we have with you, our Strong Dad who is rejoicing over us that by his grace we have have been more than conquerors in 2010.
In Jesus Name, Amen
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Tuesday Morning
When my life has been poured out, I can't expect to remember all the good God has done through me. It is not mine to claim. There's no tally of my credentials. He is so kind that He will remind me (when I need it) not to forget how much He has already accomplished through me in a short time, but the fear of a wasted life is my flesh being consumed. My life has not been wasted. It has been Him. Only one matter I am to remember: He has had His way, and I am gladly lost in Him.
The one lost in Christ will be too obsessed with Him to be self conscious. Will we waste our earthly lives to pour Him out over the heads of His beloved and the ones He has called?
I want to look red--I want to look like the red letters. I will be obsessed with the words, with the heart of the red letters. With Jesus. When people look at me they will see life-blood, they will see passion. They will see Jesus. NOTHING else matters. These are fierce words--unyielding words. They will lead me often into sorrow and conflict, yet into an even greater joy. If I do not gain Christ I'm a prisoner to the greatest sorrow of all...the sorrow with no light to penetrate darkness. I will have lost my soul.
If I want to accomplish something in my lifetime, I will accomplish sacrificing everything to love God. I will accomplish letting Him move me to love people.
The one lost in Christ will be too obsessed with Him to be self conscious. Will we waste our earthly lives to pour Him out over the heads of His beloved and the ones He has called?
I want to look red--I want to look like the red letters. I will be obsessed with the words, with the heart of the red letters. With Jesus. When people look at me they will see life-blood, they will see passion. They will see Jesus. NOTHING else matters. These are fierce words--unyielding words. They will lead me often into sorrow and conflict, yet into an even greater joy. If I do not gain Christ I'm a prisoner to the greatest sorrow of all...the sorrow with no light to penetrate darkness. I will have lost my soul.
If I want to accomplish something in my lifetime, I will accomplish sacrificing everything to love God. I will accomplish letting Him move me to love people.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Minutes
I hear reminders from the Holy Spirit almost constantly now when I become discouraged or feel myself slipping into any kind of despair or survival mode, that God's mercy and His work in me to bring healing is available to me at any instant. A day is as a thousand years to Him. So I might be in the middle of a busy moment at home, around town or with people, and God wants to speak. He can make an exchange with me instantaneously if I will pour out my heart like water, and take the childlike position that He is a willing friend tangibly with me, ready to hear me out and move on my need. This is where I could lose my footing--if I forget how near He always is in me, around me and through me. We desire more because we can have more. We were made for more. To kill the desires we feel for relationship, intimacy, wholeness and passion for life throughout any one of our days is to push God away. He gave us those desires so that we can become full of Him. He does not demand that we exist disappointed. I realize this can be a painful statement, but we can rise up. We can because He is with us. The difference is expectation.
"For a thousand years in Your sight are but as yesterday when it is past, or as a watch in the night." Psalm 90:4
I want my moments to matter. I don't want my 5 minutes to be wasted because I was waiting for an unbroken hour to give God. Yah it's lovely when we do have those longer times, but life is life, God is God. He knows we have to do stuff. We have a partnership with Him in everything. The mystery and secret for us is that everything can change in one moment fully yielded to God.
Turn to God. "God I have a few minutes, and I am so discouraged. What do you want to do with me?" Then expect, expect, expect to maybe see a picture, hear a truth, feel comfort and hope. The more practiced we are the easier recognizing God gets. I love what Graham Cooke says, "It's like driving a car. It's not hard. It just takes practice and then soon it's automatic!" We are touched by God and before we even notice, "our minutes" have become a whole day of communion. Life does not stop to make room for God. God is life.
"We may plead for mercy for a lifetime in unbelief, and at the end of our days be still no more than sadly hopeful that we shall somewhere, sometime, receive it. This is to starve to death just outside the banquet hall in which we have been warmly invited. Or we may, if we will, lay hold of the mercy of God by faith, enter the hall, and sit down with the bold and avid souls who will not allow diffidence and unbelief to keep them from the feast of fat things prepared for them."
--A.W. Tozer
"Whom have I in heaven but You? And I have no delight or desire on earth besides You....it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord God and made Him my refuge.."
Psalm 73: 25, 28a
"For a thousand years in Your sight are but as yesterday when it is past, or as a watch in the night." Psalm 90:4
I want my moments to matter. I don't want my 5 minutes to be wasted because I was waiting for an unbroken hour to give God. Yah it's lovely when we do have those longer times, but life is life, God is God. He knows we have to do stuff. We have a partnership with Him in everything. The mystery and secret for us is that everything can change in one moment fully yielded to God.
Turn to God. "God I have a few minutes, and I am so discouraged. What do you want to do with me?" Then expect, expect, expect to maybe see a picture, hear a truth, feel comfort and hope. The more practiced we are the easier recognizing God gets. I love what Graham Cooke says, "It's like driving a car. It's not hard. It just takes practice and then soon it's automatic!" We are touched by God and before we even notice, "our minutes" have become a whole day of communion. Life does not stop to make room for God. God is life.
"We may plead for mercy for a lifetime in unbelief, and at the end of our days be still no more than sadly hopeful that we shall somewhere, sometime, receive it. This is to starve to death just outside the banquet hall in which we have been warmly invited. Or we may, if we will, lay hold of the mercy of God by faith, enter the hall, and sit down with the bold and avid souls who will not allow diffidence and unbelief to keep them from the feast of fat things prepared for them."
--A.W. Tozer
"Whom have I in heaven but You? And I have no delight or desire on earth besides You....it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord God and made Him my refuge.."
Psalm 73: 25, 28a
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Big Grin
I had a merciful thought yesterday. What I mean by that is simply that I had a thought I knew was God because I'm not naturally so optimistic. I was driving along when suddenly I thought about how great it is to start to get rid of some of this fear that's always been on my heels. Then I thought about what it will be like when I move like I am not afraid of anything or anyone other than God. I started imagining the feeling of being weightless--hopping around like a time-traveler doing whatever God wants me to do--being intimate with Him. Seeing Him smile at me. Seeing lives change because He and I are working together. Being myself and not apologizing for any of it. Not apologizing for my passion for God, my intensity when it comes to all of us hitting our mark and making it big in Christ, my song, my nutty sense of humor, my nose, my struggles--whatever! What would it be like to not apologize for Jesus? What would it be like to have no fear? How much would I accomplish for God if I wasn't afraid? We can ask these questions because this is where we are going! Anyone who wants to come should come now! There's nothing like the feeling of not having to shift or slouch as the world throws it's weight around. There's nothing like living as a gaseous wind blowing to and fro and then one day stamping around realizing you're a solid and you can stand up to any battle and win. My grin is getting bigger and bigger, thinking about our future with no limits.
I used to think that if I was myself, my friends wouldn't want to be around me, and probably would ditch me. (What an insult to my friends!) Anyway, I really believed I had to choose between being myself and being alone or being a shape-shifter and having some tentative, sort- of relationships. The attractive thing about being a shape-shifter is that if you want to hide out for any reason--no problem--it's pretty easy. I got really practiced at sidling into the shadows. I sort of want to gag when I think about the amount of time I've logged behind other people, circumstances or excuses. A record-breaker in the halls of pride. No worries, though! I'm going to have my one "gag" and then move on.
I've started to see that what really happened to me, when I patterned my life in this settling for being untrue to God first and then myself, was that I lost everything! I wasn't actually preserving anything! My friends didn't actually want to be around someone who was either: a.) freaking out, b.) looking exactly like them, c.) trying to prove something--anything, d.) agreeing with everything they said, and for e.) I will restate a.) freaking out...because all of this hiding is really hard work and honestly not a whole lot of fun! I believe hiding and repeatedly attempting to shirk God's creative genius comes at an incredibly high cost to us! More so than we even realize! I'm speaking from experience.
I'm turning 30. Some people who love me tell me I'm moving quickly through the lessons I'm sposed to get. I feel like I move at the pace of a slug--let's go with "the pace of a sloth". (Sounds less slimy and maybe cleaner. :-) Anyway, I feel slow. I want to get free and serve God, but sometimes I feel like it takes forever. Really, I tell myself, it is all part of eternity. Serving God is one of the best ways I know to get free and to get to know Him. That's how all the people in the Bible did it. God would be like, "Ok, now you're going to lead an army and free your people" to this little person and he or she would say something like, "but God, I don't know how to lead an army and no one listens to me" and then God would say, "no worries, I AM, be favored", and that would pretty much end the conversation. I don't recall ever reading that God showed up to someone and said, "You have worked very hard and by your own sweat you are looking more and more perfect. I think you might be ready to take on more chores. Don't fail or you'll have to start all over again and then you're on your own, Kid." Why do I tell God that's who He is? Why do I continually relate to Him this way? This mind/ heart-set sounds so absurd when exposed. This blockage is worth getting healed up! The peace that comes from being so unable to do anything and realize that God is even more able to work through me is astounding!
If you've recently heard God tell you anything that doesn't move you to dream, lift you to soar, cause you to be ready and willing to look Him in the eye; if you've heard Him say something that makes you feel discouraged, unworthy or disconnected--get into His presence and listen again! You've been hearing the counterfeiter, and no one wants to work for Him! That being said, for our Abba we can do anything. Anything, anything, anything, anything, and when it's really been Him we've been listening to, there's unlimited favor and the repercussions of works we do with Him are infinitely grand.
Esther 4:13-14 Amplified
"Then Mordecai told them to return this answer to Esther, Do not flatter yourself that you shall escape in the king's palace any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance shall arise for the Jews from elsewhere, but you and your Father's house will perish. And who knows but that you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this and for this very occasion?"
Philippians 3:14 The Message
"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong; By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward--to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. So let's keep focused on the goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total committment, God will clear your blurred vision--you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it."
I used to think that if I was myself, my friends wouldn't want to be around me, and probably would ditch me. (What an insult to my friends!) Anyway, I really believed I had to choose between being myself and being alone or being a shape-shifter and having some tentative, sort- of relationships. The attractive thing about being a shape-shifter is that if you want to hide out for any reason--no problem--it's pretty easy. I got really practiced at sidling into the shadows. I sort of want to gag when I think about the amount of time I've logged behind other people, circumstances or excuses. A record-breaker in the halls of pride. No worries, though! I'm going to have my one "gag" and then move on.
I've started to see that what really happened to me, when I patterned my life in this settling for being untrue to God first and then myself, was that I lost everything! I wasn't actually preserving anything! My friends didn't actually want to be around someone who was either: a.) freaking out, b.) looking exactly like them, c.) trying to prove something--anything, d.) agreeing with everything they said, and for e.) I will restate a.) freaking out...because all of this hiding is really hard work and honestly not a whole lot of fun! I believe hiding and repeatedly attempting to shirk God's creative genius comes at an incredibly high cost to us! More so than we even realize! I'm speaking from experience.
I'm turning 30. Some people who love me tell me I'm moving quickly through the lessons I'm sposed to get. I feel like I move at the pace of a slug--let's go with "the pace of a sloth". (Sounds less slimy and maybe cleaner. :-) Anyway, I feel slow. I want to get free and serve God, but sometimes I feel like it takes forever. Really, I tell myself, it is all part of eternity. Serving God is one of the best ways I know to get free and to get to know Him. That's how all the people in the Bible did it. God would be like, "Ok, now you're going to lead an army and free your people" to this little person and he or she would say something like, "but God, I don't know how to lead an army and no one listens to me" and then God would say, "no worries, I AM, be favored", and that would pretty much end the conversation. I don't recall ever reading that God showed up to someone and said, "You have worked very hard and by your own sweat you are looking more and more perfect. I think you might be ready to take on more chores. Don't fail or you'll have to start all over again and then you're on your own, Kid." Why do I tell God that's who He is? Why do I continually relate to Him this way? This mind/ heart-set sounds so absurd when exposed. This blockage is worth getting healed up! The peace that comes from being so unable to do anything and realize that God is even more able to work through me is astounding!
If you've recently heard God tell you anything that doesn't move you to dream, lift you to soar, cause you to be ready and willing to look Him in the eye; if you've heard Him say something that makes you feel discouraged, unworthy or disconnected--get into His presence and listen again! You've been hearing the counterfeiter, and no one wants to work for Him! That being said, for our Abba we can do anything. Anything, anything, anything, anything, and when it's really been Him we've been listening to, there's unlimited favor and the repercussions of works we do with Him are infinitely grand.
Esther 4:13-14 Amplified
"Then Mordecai told them to return this answer to Esther, Do not flatter yourself that you shall escape in the king's palace any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance shall arise for the Jews from elsewhere, but you and your Father's house will perish. And who knows but that you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this and for this very occasion?"
Philippians 3:14 The Message
"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong; By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward--to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. So let's keep focused on the goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total committment, God will clear your blurred vision--you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it."
Monday, July 5, 2010
Americana
The portrait of Americana. That was me today--if you didn't really know me. Driving down Table Rock Road, presumably oblivious to my surroundings (except for whatever consciousness it must have taken to keep me out of the ditch) I had for a moment the privilege of an outsider's view of myself. Sunglasses, Dutch Brothers, an Infinity QX-4 and large wedding ring bulging from my ring finger composed the picture I saw of myself. Surrounded by tinted windows and air conditioning I felt unruffled, sufficient, even self-satisfied. From the roadside I must have appeared almost regal, like the wives I always see hustling their adorable children into sparkling Lincoln Navigators. Only difference is, I think their diamonds are real and they probably usually drink Starbucks. But then who knows? I don't know them. Maybe they buy Dutch Bros and pour it into Starbucks cups in order to look expensive. Is that really all that matters to us anymore--looking expensive, that is. Who am I trying to be? Who am I judging? I started it.
I'm not completely sure why I do the things I do, or buy the things I do and etc. Maybe I should look into those reasons more directly. While in the virtual "lap of luxury" I sit, someone in Haiti is lying on a cot (if lucky) with nothing material left to their name and no family members accounted for. (And I am not saying this to go the "bleeding hearts/we should feel guilty" direction; I'm just gathering some perspective). Bearing this in mind, it wouldn't take much for me (in a loss situation) to wish I could close my eyes and fall endlessly asleep. At what moment that would be I can't say. Would it be having my SUV repoed? My cell phone dropped in the toilet and ruined? Perhaps that moment for me would be learning that the FDA had come to the conclusion coffee adversely affects too many people and must be banned. Which withdrawal will be the moment of my reckoning? Freak out for me would most likely come at a more monetary point than I would be ready to acknowledge, but I want to be selfless. I want to be content.
My America struggled for independence, for self-sufficiency, for unity and civility. All men do struggle for these things; perhaps we just did it more adeptly. Somehow the majority of us managed to base the part of our motivation--that shows--on democracy. We seem in this to have some sort of invincible favor. Did we try to become the Nation the whole world ogles, or did we wake up one morning and find ourselves here? Now we don't want the responsibility.
Good thing I am not only writing of my beloved Nation but of my own heart. My physical roots are American. God knows why I am here and not in the shanties of South Africa. How does a person get chosen to live in riches and plump security and another in the worst kind of poverty and disarray? One of my questions for God. One thing I think: there has to be someone who can give to someone else. Right now, if no one had enough to share, a lot more people would be going without chances and options . I am thankful I am one of the one's with enough to share. May we through our poverty (and come on, all of us are pretty much the same when it comes down to it--stinking needy) share what we have. Those who have nothing material share with us their profound faith in the middle of incomparable loss. Those of us who have literally everything we physically need ought to share looking at Creator and desperately, gratefully thanking Him there's enough to go around! The manna only landed in our neck of the woods so we could distribute it all wisely! God I pray we do.
For my Dear Country my heart breaks beyond words, for we have a disaster upon us every bit as serious as those laboring across the world. And patiently He allows us to lull in it, hoping and praying that we will wake up. This sleep is deep like Rip Van Winkle's, but if we ask to be woken up, it's not too late. I have been given this house to glorify God in. I have been given this SUV to glorify God with. I have been given these feet still attached to my legs to carry the Good News! I have been given friends, family and neighbors that I might spread unabated love! I have been given knowledge of the Nations that I might ask for them as my inheritance; I HAVE BEEN GIVEN.
I'm not completely sure why I do the things I do, or buy the things I do and etc. Maybe I should look into those reasons more directly. While in the virtual "lap of luxury" I sit, someone in Haiti is lying on a cot (if lucky) with nothing material left to their name and no family members accounted for. (And I am not saying this to go the "bleeding hearts/we should feel guilty" direction; I'm just gathering some perspective). Bearing this in mind, it wouldn't take much for me (in a loss situation) to wish I could close my eyes and fall endlessly asleep. At what moment that would be I can't say. Would it be having my SUV repoed? My cell phone dropped in the toilet and ruined? Perhaps that moment for me would be learning that the FDA had come to the conclusion coffee adversely affects too many people and must be banned. Which withdrawal will be the moment of my reckoning? Freak out for me would most likely come at a more monetary point than I would be ready to acknowledge, but I want to be selfless. I want to be content.
My America struggled for independence, for self-sufficiency, for unity and civility. All men do struggle for these things; perhaps we just did it more adeptly. Somehow the majority of us managed to base the part of our motivation--that shows--on democracy. We seem in this to have some sort of invincible favor. Did we try to become the Nation the whole world ogles, or did we wake up one morning and find ourselves here? Now we don't want the responsibility.
Good thing I am not only writing of my beloved Nation but of my own heart. My physical roots are American. God knows why I am here and not in the shanties of South Africa. How does a person get chosen to live in riches and plump security and another in the worst kind of poverty and disarray? One of my questions for God. One thing I think: there has to be someone who can give to someone else. Right now, if no one had enough to share, a lot more people would be going without chances and options . I am thankful I am one of the one's with enough to share. May we through our poverty (and come on, all of us are pretty much the same when it comes down to it--stinking needy) share what we have. Those who have nothing material share with us their profound faith in the middle of incomparable loss. Those of us who have literally everything we physically need ought to share looking at Creator and desperately, gratefully thanking Him there's enough to go around! The manna only landed in our neck of the woods so we could distribute it all wisely! God I pray we do.
For my Dear Country my heart breaks beyond words, for we have a disaster upon us every bit as serious as those laboring across the world. And patiently He allows us to lull in it, hoping and praying that we will wake up. This sleep is deep like Rip Van Winkle's, but if we ask to be woken up, it's not too late. I have been given this house to glorify God in. I have been given this SUV to glorify God with. I have been given these feet still attached to my legs to carry the Good News! I have been given friends, family and neighbors that I might spread unabated love! I have been given knowledge of the Nations that I might ask for them as my inheritance; I HAVE BEEN GIVEN.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Why Light Matters
I love that encouraging each other is as simple as sharing what we read today, or recounting what God has said to us that gave us the answer and the strength to keep going. Nothing about our hanging out or community has to be complicated. We could be having a picnic when suddenly God shows up and "adds to our numbers".
I am supposed to be doing a lot of stuff right now, stuff I'll eventually get to. What I love more than anything is conversing about the sweetness of God and His love for us. I think even talking about Him is reverence that brings Him to us.
Today I read from Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest. I love to be challenged in my faith in such a limitless, hardcore and truthful way. True to today's date I read June 30th. (Wow, can anyone believe it's June 30th? I can't. Probably because it rained half the month :-) I will quote from His entry titled, "Agree With Your Adversary Quickly": "Have you suddenly reached a certain place in your relationship with someone, only to find that you have anger in your heart? Confess it quickly--make it right before God. Be reconciled to that person--do it now!"
The foundation verses Chambers shares are Matthew 5:25 and John 3:19-21. I went deep into John 3:20-21 in the Amplified Bible which I love because it brings in the meaning and heart of the words used in the Scriptures. "For every wrongdoer hates (loathes, detests) the Light, and will not come out into the Light but shrinks from it, lest His works (his deeds, his activities, his conduct) be exposed and reproved. But he who practices truth (who does what is right) comes out into the Light; so that His works may be plainly shown to be what they are--wrought with God [divinely prompted, done with God's help, in dependence on Him.]
I started thinking about what I read. I think perhaps the reason why it is so hard for us to come into the Light (Jesus) is that we are so afraid He will be like every other authority figure who has ever stepped on us, devastated us, cheated us or "lorded it over us". To be able to forgive those human authority figures and invite Jesus to show us the truth about His way of loving us is a challenge indeed. We are so afraid there will be some sort of horrible "exposure and reproof" that we forget Jesus was completely and totally exposed and reproved for us. There will never be any condemnation coming out of Him towards us when we make a true-hearted confession. Actually, there will never be any condemnation coming out of Him--period. He just isn't like that! Even a half-hearted confession from someone who wants Him is something He can work with! As a good friend of mine once said, let's "get down to the nitty gritty".
I am telling myself today, when I say I want intimate relationships with all you wonderful friends and my family, I am committing myself to confess and come into the Light and make right absolutely anything that I have done that has wronged any of you! That means I would tell you straight out my most shameful sin when such is needed to heal us. (And heal us confession would!) By the same token, I am also promising to tell you when you offend me! I am refusing to play games with you and I am honoring you as someone who can handle working stuff out! If for some reason You just can't work things out quite yet, then I've still done my level best and when I keep my heart soft towards you continually I am in the Light. I am refusing to keep unforgiveness in my heart towards anyone....the cost of intimacy may seem great to us now, but in only a matter of time this undaunted love we must practice will become second nature. It's actually better if we don't do it like a rehearsed dance, we've just got to take our first stumbling steps.
For intimacy's sake, God, I pray today that you would deal with me. Break open my fears and pour your love into those areas in me so that I am unafraid to trust your Light. I forgive those authority figures, friends, relatives, and anyone else who has ever exposed me and reproved me bringing heavy embarrassment and condemnation on me. I release them and bless them, I turn them over to You. Your "yoke is easy". I pray for the truth about who You are to flood me so I can come into Light in every part of my heart. I pray that You will help me press into the relationships you have gifted me so that I will grow in love and freedom from fear. Thank you that You bore exposure and reproof for me and God never, ever deals with me out of a heart desiring to punish me and make me pay. Show me truth, God. Show me You.
In Jesus name, Amen.
I am supposed to be doing a lot of stuff right now, stuff I'll eventually get to. What I love more than anything is conversing about the sweetness of God and His love for us. I think even talking about Him is reverence that brings Him to us.
Today I read from Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest. I love to be challenged in my faith in such a limitless, hardcore and truthful way. True to today's date I read June 30th. (Wow, can anyone believe it's June 30th? I can't. Probably because it rained half the month :-) I will quote from His entry titled, "Agree With Your Adversary Quickly": "Have you suddenly reached a certain place in your relationship with someone, only to find that you have anger in your heart? Confess it quickly--make it right before God. Be reconciled to that person--do it now!"
The foundation verses Chambers shares are Matthew 5:25 and John 3:19-21. I went deep into John 3:20-21 in the Amplified Bible which I love because it brings in the meaning and heart of the words used in the Scriptures. "For every wrongdoer hates (loathes, detests) the Light, and will not come out into the Light but shrinks from it, lest His works (his deeds, his activities, his conduct) be exposed and reproved. But he who practices truth (who does what is right) comes out into the Light; so that His works may be plainly shown to be what they are--wrought with God [divinely prompted, done with God's help, in dependence on Him.]
I started thinking about what I read. I think perhaps the reason why it is so hard for us to come into the Light (Jesus) is that we are so afraid He will be like every other authority figure who has ever stepped on us, devastated us, cheated us or "lorded it over us". To be able to forgive those human authority figures and invite Jesus to show us the truth about His way of loving us is a challenge indeed. We are so afraid there will be some sort of horrible "exposure and reproof" that we forget Jesus was completely and totally exposed and reproved for us. There will never be any condemnation coming out of Him towards us when we make a true-hearted confession. Actually, there will never be any condemnation coming out of Him--period. He just isn't like that! Even a half-hearted confession from someone who wants Him is something He can work with! As a good friend of mine once said, let's "get down to the nitty gritty".
I am telling myself today, when I say I want intimate relationships with all you wonderful friends and my family, I am committing myself to confess and come into the Light and make right absolutely anything that I have done that has wronged any of you! That means I would tell you straight out my most shameful sin when such is needed to heal us. (And heal us confession would!) By the same token, I am also promising to tell you when you offend me! I am refusing to play games with you and I am honoring you as someone who can handle working stuff out! If for some reason You just can't work things out quite yet, then I've still done my level best and when I keep my heart soft towards you continually I am in the Light. I am refusing to keep unforgiveness in my heart towards anyone....the cost of intimacy may seem great to us now, but in only a matter of time this undaunted love we must practice will become second nature. It's actually better if we don't do it like a rehearsed dance, we've just got to take our first stumbling steps.
For intimacy's sake, God, I pray today that you would deal with me. Break open my fears and pour your love into those areas in me so that I am unafraid to trust your Light. I forgive those authority figures, friends, relatives, and anyone else who has ever exposed me and reproved me bringing heavy embarrassment and condemnation on me. I release them and bless them, I turn them over to You. Your "yoke is easy". I pray for the truth about who You are to flood me so I can come into Light in every part of my heart. I pray that You will help me press into the relationships you have gifted me so that I will grow in love and freedom from fear. Thank you that You bore exposure and reproof for me and God never, ever deals with me out of a heart desiring to punish me and make me pay. Show me truth, God. Show me You.
In Jesus name, Amen.
Monday, April 26, 2010
"In Constant Touch"
One of those weeks, one of those days, nights, moments....years. Everything blurred together and nothing to grab onto. Plenty of: "abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks". Yet in all of it He stays here. Right here. My Shepherd calls and I answer through the blur..."When do I end? Can't you just take me out of me? You can do anything!" But it isn't the easy road that makes me remember. It isn't the "gift to the Lord that costs me nothing" that sticks with me. What costs, I become. What aches, delivers. What shifts and shakes and turns underneath me brings me to steady ground.
If there were no words in our language for how we feel, if we had no way to express our anguish, exhaustion, joy, fear or relief, He would still know it all. What refreshment it is to me this morning (the morning after the long night) to know even if I can't open my mouth He will hear me. He will "groan" for me. Even my lamentation will resolve and dissolve itself inside of Him. Big, big God. Big, big grace. Simple like a child's song but no less powerful as we believe Him.
"Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then He told me, "My grace is enough; it's all you need. "My strength comes into it's own in your weakness." "Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size--abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."
The Message
2 Corinthians
(page 388)
If there were no words in our language for how we feel, if we had no way to express our anguish, exhaustion, joy, fear or relief, He would still know it all. What refreshment it is to me this morning (the morning after the long night) to know even if I can't open my mouth He will hear me. He will "groan" for me. Even my lamentation will resolve and dissolve itself inside of Him. Big, big God. Big, big grace. Simple like a child's song but no less powerful as we believe Him.
"Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then He told me, "My grace is enough; it's all you need. "My strength comes into it's own in your weakness." "Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size--abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."
The Message
2 Corinthians
(page 388)
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