Love

God, please tell me I am getting somewhere, I am accomplishing something. If there is one thing that might fringe on making me crazy at this moment, I think it would be to realize I had accomplished nothing--wasted my life and lived for myself. Have I forsaken the Kingdom? (I spew this type of worry when I begin to let performance define me.)

As Chambers writes in "The Ministry of the Unnoticed", not all Christian disciples can be Peter or the Apostle Paul, but that in no way disqualifies their fervency or sincerity, because they were not central, not visible at the lead. (There must have been hundreds of completely sincere disciples besides the twelve.)

Over and over again I see God as a Shepherd of Shepherds, A Servant of All. I know this can mean any number of things, but most of all Jesus was a servant. He was not a gatherer of the public eye. He was not popular in the sense that we know the word.

His life was made less than anything, though He had everything. I want to learn this humility, because it means rest; the rest that will carry me through being seen and unseen, as the Lord's will takes me.

No, I do not think Jesus is sympathetic with my perceived lack of popularity, or the opportunities I want to make fit that pass by me. I think these surface quandaries lead the way to His heart, so there is no obsession or reason to live other than knowing Him. There are no eyes that must see me any certain way. Least of all my own, and what I wanted for my own life has been forgotten a long time ago (I declare what all I dream of forgetting.)...in order for His dreams to take me. What I do or do not do does not so much matter. The way I love Him matters. If I lived in a jail cell, physically doing nothing but loving Him with my whole heart, my life would still not be wasted. In fact, love within limitations all the more shows the freedom He has given me to give myself to Him.

I am not deciding today to do any certain thing or start an particular work or project. I hear from God it will be more than sufficient to love Him and see what happens.

Matthew 5:3 Blessed are the poor in Spirit/Chambers pg. 661
"Literally: Blessed are the paupers in Spirit" (A pauper is exceedingly common place.) The average type of preaching emphasizes strength of will, beauty of character--the things that can easily be noticed. The phrase "Decide for Christ" which we so often hear is too often an emphasis on the thing our Lord never trusted. Our Lord never asks us to decide for Him, He asks us to yield to Him--A very different matter. At the basis of Our Lord's Kingdom is the unaffected loveliness of the common place."

For those of us who look at those in the lead and wonder why we ourselves have not been placed in similar positions, we must wrestle with this ambition and jealousy, overtake it, and allow God to put into our own hands our own destiny. Truly, we would not be happy living someone else's. In short, at the root of my struggle with the mundane is my rebellion against God and my unwillingness to accept His precise goodness in His placement of the times of my life. The idea Chambers expresses is that to abort our divine pathway with God in order to steal someone else's or conjure up our own, would plunge us into un-Christlikeness, as opposed to an immersion in His presence--the cure for every antsiness known to man.

What was the last thing God asked me personally to do, no matter how "small"? He assures me,there is no lack of power in any act of love.

He Can be Trusted!

"For I tell you that Christ (the Messiah) became a servant and a minister to the circumcised (the Jews) in order to show God's truthfulness and honesty by confirming (verifying) the promises given to our fathers. And also in order that the Gentiles (nations) might glorify God for His mercy (not covenanted) to them. As it is written, Therefore I will praise You among the Gentiles and sing praises to your name. Again it is said, Rejoice (exult) O Gentiles, along with His (own) people; And again, Praise the Lord, all you Gentiles, and let all the peoples praise Him!"
Romans 15: 8-11 Amplified

Here is a God who gives. Knowing our history, I read this and am completely astounded again by God. He keeps His word (especially though fought against) to show Himself completely truthful, honest, faithful and committed to us. Then, as if that weren't enough, He pours out mercy even in places He never bound Himself. What a revelation that God does not feel obligated to us, nor does He move or love out of obligation,manipulation or force. He is a Lover. He doesn't deny His own perfectly holy passion. Lively committment is His entire being, and thanks to God, we get in on all the enjoyment! We enjoy Him, He enjoys us....Joy all around....and glory all around.

Tuesday Morning

When my life has been poured out, I can't expect to remember all the good God has done through me. It is not mine to claim. There's no tally of my credentials. He is so kind that He will remind me (when I need it) not to forget how much He has already accomplished through me in a short time, but the fear of a wasted life is my flesh being consumed. My life has not been wasted. It has been Him. Only one matter I am to remember: He has had His way, and I am gladly lost in Him.

The one lost in Christ will be too obsessed with Him to be self conscious. Will we waste our earthly lives to pour Him out over the heads of His beloved and the ones He has called?

I want to look red--I want to look like the red letters. I will be obsessed with the words, with the heart of the red letters. With Jesus. When people look at me they will see life-blood, they will see passion. They will see Jesus. NOTHING else matters. These are fierce words--unyielding words. They will lead me often into sorrow and conflict, yet into an even greater joy. If I do not gain Christ I'm a prisoner to the greatest sorrow of all...the sorrow with no light to penetrate darkness. I will have lost my soul.

If I want to accomplish something in my lifetime, I will accomplish sacrificing everything to love God. I will accomplish letting Him move me to love people.

Minutes

I hear reminders from the Holy Spirit almost constantly now when I become discouraged or feel myself slipping into any kind of despair or survival mode, that God's mercy and His work in me to bring healing is available to me at any instant. A day is as a thousand years to Him. So I might be in the middle of a busy moment at home, around town or with people, and God wants to speak. He can make an exchange with me instantaneously if I will pour out my heart like water, and take the childlike position that He is a willing friend tangibly with me, ready to hear me out and move on my need. This is where I could lose my footing--if I forget how near He always is in me, around me and through me. We desire more because we can have more. We were made for more. To kill the desires we feel for relationship, intimacy, wholeness and passion for life throughout any one of our days is to push God away. He gave us those desires so that we can become full of Him. He does not demand that we exist disappointed. I realize this can be a painful statement, but we can rise up. We can because He is with us. The difference is expectation.

"For a thousand years in Your sight are but as yesterday when it is past, or as a watch in the night." Psalm 90:4

I want my moments to matter. I don't want my 5 minutes to be wasted because I was waiting for an unbroken hour to give God. Yah it's lovely when we do have those longer times, but life is life, God is God. He knows we have to do stuff. We have a partnership with Him in everything. The mystery and secret for us is that everything can change in one moment fully yielded to God.

Turn to God. "God I have a few minutes, and I am so discouraged. What do you want to do with me?" Then expect, expect, expect to maybe see a picture, hear a truth, feel comfort and hope. The more practiced we are the easier recognizing God gets. I love what Graham Cooke says, "It's like driving a car. It's not hard. It just takes practice and then soon it's automatic!" We are touched by God and before we even notice, "our minutes" have become a whole day of communion. Life does not stop to make room for God. God is life.

"We may plead for mercy for a lifetime in unbelief, and at the end of our days be still no more than sadly hopeful that we shall somewhere, sometime, receive it. This is to starve to death just outside the banquet hall in which we have been warmly invited. Or we may, if we will, lay hold of the mercy of God by faith, enter the hall, and sit down with the bold and avid souls who will not allow diffidence and unbelief to keep them from the feast of fat things prepared for them."
--A.W. Tozer

"Whom have I in heaven but You? And I have no delight or desire on earth besides You....it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord God and made Him my refuge.."
Psalm 73: 25, 28a

Big Grin

I had a merciful thought yesterday. What I mean by that is simply that I had a thought I knew was God because I'm not naturally so optimistic. I was driving along when suddenly I thought about how great it is to start to get rid of some of this fear that's always been on my heels. Then I thought about what it will be like when I move like I am not afraid of anything or anyone other than God. I started imagining the feeling of being weightless--hopping around like a time-traveler doing whatever God wants me to do--being intimate with Him. Seeing Him smile at me. Seeing lives change because He and I are working together. Being myself and not apologizing for any of it. Not apologizing for my passion for God, my intensity when it comes to all of us hitting our mark and making it big in Christ, my song, my nutty sense of humor, my nose, my struggles--whatever! What would it be like to not apologize for Jesus? What would it be like to have no fear? How much would I accomplish for God if I wasn't afraid? We can ask these questions because this is where we are going! Anyone who wants to come should come now! There's nothing like the feeling of not having to shift or slouch as the world throws it's weight around. There's nothing like living as a gaseous wind blowing to and fro and then one day stamping around realizing you're a solid and you can stand up to any battle and win. My grin is getting bigger and bigger, thinking about our future with no limits.

I used to think that if I was myself, my friends wouldn't want to be around me, and probably would ditch me. (What an insult to my friends!) Anyway, I really believed I had to choose between being myself and being alone or being a shape-shifter and having some tentative, sort- of relationships. The attractive thing about being a shape-shifter is that if you want to hide out for any reason--no problem--it's pretty easy. I got really practiced at sidling into the shadows. I sort of want to gag when I think about the amount of time I've logged behind other people, circumstances or excuses. A record-breaker in the halls of pride. No worries, though! I'm going to have my one "gag" and then move on.

I've started to see that what really happened to me, when I patterned my life in this settling for being untrue to God first and then myself, was that I lost everything! I wasn't actually preserving anything! My friends didn't actually want to be around someone who was either: a.) freaking out, b.) looking exactly like them, c.) trying to prove something--anything, d.) agreeing with everything they said, and for e.) I will restate a.) freaking out...because all of this hiding is really hard work and honestly not a whole lot of fun! I believe hiding and repeatedly attempting to shirk God's creative genius comes at an incredibly high cost to us! More so than we even realize! I'm speaking from experience.

I'm turning 30. Some people who love me tell me I'm moving quickly through the lessons I'm sposed to get. I feel like I move at the pace of a slug--let's go with "the pace of a sloth". (Sounds less slimy and maybe cleaner. :-) Anyway, I feel slow. I want to get free and serve God, but sometimes I feel like it takes forever. Really, I tell myself, it is all part of eternity. Serving God is one of the best ways I know to get free and to get to know Him. That's how all the people in the Bible did it. God would be like, "Ok, now you're going to lead an army and free your people" to this little person and he or she would say something like, "but God, I don't know how to lead an army and no one listens to me" and then God would say, "no worries, I AM, be favored", and that would pretty much end the conversation. I don't recall ever reading that God showed up to someone and said, "You have worked very hard and by your own sweat you are looking more and more perfect. I think you might be ready to take on more chores. Don't fail or you'll have to start all over again and then you're on your own, Kid." Why do I tell God that's who He is? Why do I continually relate to Him this way? This mind/ heart-set sounds so absurd when exposed. This blockage is worth getting healed up! The peace that comes from being so unable to do anything and realize that God is even more able to work through me is astounding!

If you've recently heard God tell you anything that doesn't move you to dream, lift you to soar, cause you to be ready and willing to look Him in the eye; if you've heard Him say something that makes you feel discouraged, unworthy or disconnected--get into His presence and listen again! You've been hearing the counterfeiter, and no one wants to work for Him! That being said, for our Abba we can do anything. Anything, anything, anything, anything, and when it's really been Him we've been listening to, there's unlimited favor and the repercussions of works we do with Him are infinitely grand.


Esther 4:13-14 Amplified
"Then Mordecai told them to return this answer to Esther, Do not flatter yourself that you shall escape in the king's palace any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance shall arise for the Jews from elsewhere, but you and your Father's house will perish. And who knows but that you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this and for this very occasion?"

Philippians 3:14 The Message
"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong; By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward--to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. So let's keep focused on the goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total committment, God will clear your blurred vision--you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it."

"In Constant Touch"

One of those weeks, one of those days, nights, moments....years. Everything blurred together and nothing to grab onto. Plenty of: "abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks". Yet in all of it He stays here. Right here. My Shepherd calls and I answer through the blur..."When do I end? Can't you just take me out of me? You can do anything!" But it isn't the easy road that makes me remember. It isn't the "gift to the Lord that costs me nothing" that sticks with me. What costs, I become. What aches, delivers. What shifts and shakes and turns underneath me brings me to steady ground.

If there were no words in our language for how we feel, if we had no way to express our anguish, exhaustion, joy, fear or relief, He would still know it all. What refreshment it is to me this morning (the morning after the long night) to know even if I can't open my mouth He will hear me. He will "groan" for me. Even my lamentation will resolve and dissolve itself inside of Him. Big, big God. Big, big grace. Simple like a child's song but no less powerful as we believe Him.

"Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then He told me, "My grace is enough; it's all you need. "My strength comes into it's own in your weakness." "Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size--abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."

The Message
2 Corinthians
(page 388)

Dirty Work

"Fixing one's thoughts" takes diligent effort. I can't be naive about the graphic evil and filth of this world, but I'm also not asked to ruminate in that shadowy place. We have this Scripture so we know God knows we can't survive in a constant state of "saving the world". He hasn't required that of us. He knows if we internalize the images of grief, injustice and carnality we are hit with every moment we live in this world it's only a matter of time before we self-destruct. I have been given permission to live in heaven now, it is not demanded of me that I undergo some self-absorbed mental/spiritual initiation. Jesus Christ already went to hell and back. He does not ask me to go to hell and live there, so that I can somehow become strong enough as to be as invincible as He is. He is the only one who could have entered darkness and shadow and lived through it all. We think we have personal tabs on the depths of evil. We are cocky to run ahead so rashly. Our pride is only fuel for hell's sulfuric fire.

What I am asked for is humility enough to hide myself in Him, to realize the evil but not to be sidelined. To be invincible because I have been given the privilege of living in heaven right now, and there are no precursors other than simply knowing Christ. The more I know Him, the more of His purity, honor and loveliness abide within me for my access. Then, the paralysis (like chloroform) the enemy holds over our senses is knocked off. When we can see heaven, we can see the actions of God. We are not defeated any longer because we have given up replaying and planning our own heroic attack on the bowels of hell. This practice is useless because we know we will not be successful, for what human power can stand? In human strength we see ourselves rendered helpless even in the best blustering daydream we can muster.

In the "precious lifeblood" (1 Peter 1:19) of the Lamb we have the power to suffer earth because we're living in heaven. As we live in heaven, the Holy Spirit will impact earth through us. The actions we are to take on the behalf of those God is calling will be clear. We will not be overtaken by evil but we will respond, alive and well, with good. The trust of simple children, so grateful that Daddy does the dirty work, will release the power of heaven to devastate and regenerate the slimiest pit imaginable.

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8

Cleave

I am among those blessed with physical pain. How can I use the word blessed in such a context? I remember now reading Elizabeth Barret Browning as a student and being deeply drawn to her immutability and passion despite her permanent set of disturbing circumstances. If ever there was a Job...still, she is recalled as having stood for something(1). She was also not without the blessing of God. I have been asking the oldest human question standing on a new plain: what do I do when "it" doesn't get better--ever?

Extended pain and/or deep grief is the kind of seemingly helpless experience that motives a person to start compartmentalizing and formulating out of sheer exhaustion. A person in real pain will feel no shame about trying every solution imaginable. "There is nothing new under the sun" by the way(2). King Solomon wrote that. (This coming from a guy who could have literally anything he wanted). I'm not sure whether he ever had physical pain, or if his problem was simply chronic boredom. Mindlessness is a sort of pain in itself; a disassociation from the reaches of God and the nonconformity of living in Him.

I see this offensive stance we take towards our pain as a normal human response to suffering. When there's discomfort, we fight it. Sometimes we even enjoy the fight--this makes us feel worthy. If we have to go through it, we'll stick some placebo in to mask the absence of real appeasement. I am no longer shocked by my inability to be composed during pain; I find there's nothing wrong with honest questions in the midst of maladies. These attempted judgments against our Maker only become infectious when we have seen them and continue to recline about with them. Unless we move towards God, they eventually become bedsores or gangrene and then we are terminal and must lose a leg or an arm to see bitterness go. The questions themselves are really just opportunities. We don't have to wait so long as to be engulfed by them. Questions are intersection points for action. If we fight this way, pain can't win.

I am not proud to say that I have frequented the halls of doubt--not at all a great champion of faith--but all is not lost. Doubt has been the implement of God's hand in forming many faithful heroes. I confess I have "consorted with flesh" in a myriad of compulsive questions against God(3). As though I could even hope to stand in His courtroom. My questions are something to this effect: "Why is everyone else being healed and not me? Is my faith not strong enough? I've been touched by God before, why wasn't wholeness sustained?" Though I have asked and asked again my pain seems indomitable, like I've rolled in a mixture of discomfort and super-glue. To those who know pain, I have compassion for your struggle, I hope the way God has compassion for mine. You are not alone. We ask the kinds of questions that cannot be answered with a trite word or a randomly quoted scripture verse. Those in some sort of pain, realistically most all of us, know what it's like to feel starved for encouragement.

Something new has begun to wake up in me, and I want to share. Encouragement has woken up in me. I have had a new opening of my eyes from God and now I know: perhaps His eternal dreams for my faith are greater than the immediate alleviation of my temporary pain. I have often wished that my body could keep up with my heart. Now casting a look across what my life has been I see moments when I felt so incredibly broken physically, when there was nothing that I could do to work harder or faster for God and no way I could try more or accomplish more. For me this has been a remarkably frustrating phenomenon, but those intersections were the "thin places" between heaven and earth, as CS Lewis calls them. The intimacy with God that has became my portion in those times is exquisite. I can almost say--I am almost surrendered to say-- this is intimacy worth all the suffering I've felt. Suffering is a process. Surrender is a process. God understands.

Impacting in my encouragement was the brinkmanship of Jesus's miracle in Bethany where Mary, Martha and Lazarus lived(4). What I read has brought me to a yielding I can't escape from. God has tested my reliance. Lazarus died and Jesus knew He was dying ahead of time. This gave Jesus plenty of time to get to the siblings house. Surplus time aside, Mary, Martha and Lazarus were also loved by Jesus. Amplified Bible says "they were His dear friends and he held them in high esteem." So wouldn't affection be enough to motivate Jesus to give to the need of the moment? Mary and Martha hoped so. Like me their pain took hold and they couldn't deny their disappointment. They too wrestled with Jesus's sovereign will to hold off on healing those last few days. They told (asked) Jesus, to His face, "Master, if You had been here, my brother would not have died." I see here this lovely concept I've been told of is truth: we really can be highly esteemed and dear to Jesus and still struggle with His ways--to His face! Jesus's response to Mary and Martha is catalytic in stirring up their belief, reliance and trust. Jesus is asking them to "cleave" to Him. His heart for the situation is articulated earlier on when He says, "This sickness is not to end in death; but (on the contrary) it is to honor God and to promote His glory, that the Son of God may be glorified through it."

Saturated in these words of God I know He requires the ultimate in obedience and trust from me. He desires me to attain wholehearted determination towards the larger focal point of His glory. If I can cleave to Him, then all I will see will be Him. There will come a point when my own suffering will just not be consuming to me. I will have vision of a vast and good plan unfolding about me. Do I believe that He is a Good Friend and Papa? Do I believe that He raised Lazarus from the dead? Now Jesus is the One asking me questions. He so often uses questions to derail the rigidity of formulaic thinking.

On Wednesday I visited my doctor and asked Him to remove my warts. He went into a detailed explanation of what the procedure would entail and told me that I would be in a lot of pain, especially because my warts are growing out of my knuckles. He said the pain would be deep into my bones and would last long after the actual freezing had been done. I found out the process only yields the desired result, complete killing of of the tissue and hopefully the virus that causes the warts, about fifty percent of the time. Never the less, having had these warts and watching them grow and multiply for about a year so far, I told Him that I wanted to go ahead and try. Warts can take up to five years to clear on their own; the immediate pain seemed a measurable trade for ridding myself of the virus' roots in my hands. He got the liquid nitrogen ready and while chatting with my husband and I, positioned the tube to jet out over my fingers. He paused for a second and, without lifting his head, said with gravity, "this is going to hurt."

How many times have cried out to God for relief from internal and external pain being accentuated by my circumstances? How many times have I expected Him to "pony up", essentially saying, "look God, right now I have a need." I will put voice to giving Him permission to "do whatever it takes"...."go ahead God. Shoot that liquid nitrogen into my heart--I can handle it" When the ache starts in my core as God obliges me, how often do I refuse His sweet medicine to go back to an old concoction of my own, knowing full well I can do no good? We all get stuck sometimes. The old pain is more manageable to us than the new that purifies.

Elizabeth Barret Browning retained her effectiveness in life despite a chronic problem with her lungs, spinal injury at a young age, tyranny of her earthly father and loss of her brother. Through all of these circumstances God lifted her up with a remarkable ability to write and with love she experienced through her devotion to God and in her relationship with her husband. She "saw the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living(5)" despite apparent hindrances. God is not asking me to despair of all miracles as though He will never make good on His promises. Jesus wept before Lazarus's tomb and He was troubled over the suffering He saw. He is compassionate. He is not without genuine pathos. He is asking me to trust His deeper work in me. If He desires this pain remain for this earthly season, He assures me it is only temporary. Pain well worthwhile, pain for His glory: deeper faith, love, purity and anointing. If I can cleave to Christ, walking steadfastly, I will see the dead rise in my own life and the life of my beloved companions who also suffer. This will come in God's timing, when all spiritual ground in my faith is ripe to receive His glory. I will be His testimony and His letter will be written on my heart. I must keep believing my Abba, no matter how badly I hurt.

Sources:
1)Poets.org
2)Ecclesiastes 1:9
3)Galatians 1:16
4)John 11
5)Psalm 27:13

Father God

Father God, I say, You will have to show me who You are because even though I'm trying I don't know You, I can't see You.


I see a giant rainbow with red hot color sparks flying out as God's hand strikes it in the sky and hear THIS IS FOR YOU.

I see a million different animal species and enjoy their beautiful uniqueness and stand on a mountain road and overlook a vast display of trees and hills and hear THIS IS FOR YOU.

I see myself scooped (a naked baby) out of a cast-off mud puddle and robed clean and adopted

THIS IS FOR YOU

I see my heart held firmly in the grip of a strong and tender hand through every beating life has rendered me

THIS IS FOR YOU

I see my Savior Jesus crawl across the ground on His hands and knees in the dirt with his skin torn and scabby and blood dripping and I feel His heart in humility and obedience expand to take all of the sickliness and abuse imaginable to me

THIS IS FOR YOU

Heaven Roars

I'm sitting in my quiet house on Tuesday morning. Everything seems normal, as if today is just another day. We see so little with our eyes. I can say this because it is true--and I own it for myself. There is a whole other realm carrying on while we sleep. Only when we beseech God does the door open. Only when we really want the answers does the deep knowledge start to come. What we have to understand about God is that He knows whether or not we really want the answers. He is not like Santa Clause. Maybe we could fool Him into thinking we have always been good, but God is not so easily fooled. He interprets us even beyond the point we can decipher ourselves.
I am in an unavoidable battle I become weary of because I do not see. I choose blindness to the heavenly armies awaiting my intercession, callousness to the peace and calm of God's glassy waters, indifference to His mighty Holy Spirit. Yet He is always moving. His power quakes around me more tremendously than the movement of any earthly shift. It is a wonder there is even a Kingdom He calls His own. I think perhaps He does that for my sake more than His. The universe and beyond is His home, but that is a bit too big for me. Since He wants me as His friend and lover, He understands and lays His life down for me (and you too of course). He knows how much it means to us to belong as part of a family and home, so He promises to make this special place for us.
Now here is the catch: if I want to come home to this amazing inheritance, I must also adopt the sorrows of Christ and embrace the sacrifices of His battle. A young bride is intertwined as her husband goes off to war and she is faced with the dilemma of love moving out..it is really no catch at all since I am already in the battle whether I like it or not. Blind as a bat or conscious and alert I am marching. "Which way?" is the question to be asked.
People are looking for a limitless show of power and protection. Even those in this world who have never confessed Christ as Lord know someone's gotta help us--and quick! This longing for a larger-than-life mutant being to emerge from the ground, sky, shadows, light...is blatant. Just go to the movies. What is our obsession with superheroes, really? Not that I don't thoroughly enjoy Spiderman's antics; does anyone know where His power comes from? And don't say a spider bit him. That is the apparent answer. No spider I know on earth could have that effect on a man. Who cares where this hero comes from, right? As long as he comes. I am really at that point, we are really at that point. (The point where we'd take power on any terms) I agree. I am, we are, desperate. Do we know who we are worshiping? Do we know where limitless power and protection truly comes from? We should beware counterfeits. One power will protect us, and one will surely betray us.
So I decide: I am in this battle. I want to rub the sleep out of my eyes. I don't wish to grope around with my vision blurred as though any pair of Wal-Mart specs will suffice. I need my prescription. And those of us who wear glasses and contacts know, only one prescription will do. Only one Power will never lead us to slaughter. Only One will always protect us, even to the point of laying down His life. Jesus would die before seeing our ruin.
I am not wise. I see dimly. I need help to see what is true. I need vision in the haze of this life. To find the goodness of God and bank my whole life on Him. Listen, look. Can you see and hear the heavenlies today? They roar. God's army marches out for love. Which way are we going? We can be certain, we are going one way or another, whether we like it or not. But God's great gift to us: we decide our direction. As we traverse this war-torn pathway, may we direct ourselves to shelter beneath only Him.

The Leper in Me

When I read about the leper in Matthew 8 I wept. I'm not completely sure why I had this response but it's true that often when the Holy Spirit speaks a profound truth, the center of my heart gets clipped to make room for more of God; simultaneously I experience relief and hope with pain.
The leper's desperation touched me. He came up to Jesus and prostrated Himself, worshiping. I think, "How gutsy is that?" I don't imagine that until we have authentically known life-consuming desperation we have a chance at relating to what the leper was feeling in that moment with Jesus. This poor man confessed that through and through he was a leper with no hope for any part of his life without a move of compassion from God's heart. He was literally decaying. He confessed his need so adamantly even his physical body had to express his heart's pleading and he laid down in front of Jesus on the ground.
The reasons I struggle against intimate closeness with Jesus are many. One reason I can see in part today (thank God!): my heart still remains unsure that Jesus is willing to heal me, or even able for that matter. I say, "God forgive me" and He does.
This leper is quickly becoming one of my heroes because he says to Jesus, "Lord, if you are willing, You are able to cleanse me by completely (italics mine) curing me."
Then the precious, perfect Man-God we call Jesus reaches out His hand and touches the leper and says, "I AM WILLING; BE CLEANSED by being cured."
In the middle of recession, He is willing. In the middle of a thousand physical ailments that seem to press upon us relentlessly, He is able. Enveloping our cold, dead hearts He is our preservation against decay. There is still time, there is still hope. Will we throw the desperate leper inside us on the ground in front of our Savior? Can we offer up our last mustard seed to God, determining to call Him willing and able? I can and today, by the grace of God, I will.